


without you, it feels so fucking bad

by unsaved_misc



Category: Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Angst/Comfort, Crying, Cuddling, Fever, Headaches, M/M, Punk AU, Sickfic, Yearning, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24281461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: justin is sick and doesn’t think he’s important. carson shows him otherwise.for my punk au, on my tumblr @ honeybunwatsonplease check it out for punk au content!!!
Relationships: Justin | Nothinbutlag/Carson Tucker
Kudos: 13





	without you, it feels so fucking bad

**Author's Note:**

> punk au fics r so hard to write 😭 i also feel nervous posting them but i really enjoyed writing this one. i just needed something soft! i hope you enjoy!
> 
> punk au context:  
> carson films music videos + handles merch for the punk band. justin is his bf and edits music videos if he needs to. they’re both 16 and sophomores compared to the other boys (all 17 and juniors)

it’s one of those numerous summer days that just blend together, the air hot and sticky, the sun shining golden for hours on end. justin likes these days, because it means carson will come knocking on his window, or justin will walk downstairs to find the boy chatting politely with his parents. carson could charm pretty much anyone without trying. justin’s parents probably knew the boy’s whole life story by now. they’d usually spend the day playing video games together, eating popsicles in front of the circle k, riding bikes together because justin didn’t drive and carson was the youngest in his family (apparently one more car was asking too much, he complained). justin didn’t mind riding bikes with carson to get around; it felt vintage and cool and it felt like a much more intimate thing.

however, today, justin was feeling off. more than off, actually. it was more like he was in extreme pain. it felt like the heat from the summer sun was shining directly on him, though the blinds in his room were closed, and his nose was congested. he sniffled, turning over in his bed, kicking off his sheets.  
“jesus christ,” he mumbled to himself, digging his knuckles into his drowsy eyes. he didn’t hear pebbles being thrown at his window, or a fake bird call that carson thought sounded very realistic, so it wasn’t his boyfriend waking him up. justin had a sneaking suspicion it was because he felt like shit.  
he ran a hand over his face, shuddering, wondering what he was going to tell carson. carson probably wouldn’t give a shit that justin was sick, would just chill out with him anyway, but justin wondered why carson would even want to be around him. why would he just want to sit with justin in the middle of his bedroom, smelling like weird sick smell and being awkwardly silent?

justin really didn’t get it. yet, at the same time, he wanted carson here so badly he felt like crying. being sick and alone all day, or even multiple days if it lasted that long, sounded fucking horrid. he wanted carson to come over and stroke his hair and tell him sweet things until he could fall asleep. justin felt like he didn’t deserve that, but he wanted it. almost like the universe could sense his feelings, his phone started buzzing. blinking the seemingly never-ending drowsiness from his eyes, justin picked up the phone and answered.  
“hello?” his voice sounded dry and hoarse, like he was in need of water. now that justin thought about it, he was really fucking thirsty.  
“hey, justin!” carson’s bubbly voice rang through the other end. chills ran through justin’s body, and not the sick kind. 

“are you okay?” he followed up, his emotions obvious in his voice. they always were.  
“i...nah. i feel like shit.” justin admitted, knowing he couldn’t hide that fact from carson forever.  
“oh. i’m sorry.” he apologized, and justin felt a dull ache in his chest.  
‘don’t apologize, please. you didn’t do anything. you never do anything. you’re perfect.’  
“it’s okay.” he paused. “if you don’t want to see me, it’s okay.”  
fuck. did that sound wrong?  
“oh. okay.” there was a pause on the other end. “um, i gotta go, justin. i love you.”  
justin mumbled a reply and the phone hung up. he laid there, staring at the wall and feeling his eyes well up with tears, wondering if he’d fucked something up in some way. he made it seem like he didn’t want carson over and he was mentally kicking himself for it.

“fuck.” he groaned, voice shaking on a whimper as hot tears fell down his cheeks. he felt so, so fucking stupid. all he wanted when he was sick was to be taken care of, and instead, he acted like some sort of martyr. he wouldn’t blame carson for going off and having a day of his own without justin. justin thought he deserved it. carson should’ve been out pursuing his creative dreams, and all justin did was weigh him down. he thought he was a burden. during music video shoots, or when carson was painting in his room, justin always felt like he was sitting on the side and not giving any decent talent. he thought carson was perfect and like he didn’t belong with someone like justin.

justin hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep, drifting between negative thoughts and humidity lurking on his skin, until he heard a sharp knock at his window. he jolted, sitting up straight and looking around his room. the tear tracks had dried on his cheeks, his eyes rimmed red and feeling sore, and his head began the splitting pain again once he sat up. despite all of this, he only focused on one thing: carson stood at his window, beaming with a smile and holding up a bag. justin felt like crying all over again. 

he stood, swaying at the sudden nausea overcoming him, and walked gingerly to the window. unlatching the locks, he opened up the window with shaky arms and greeted carson.  
“hi, justin!” he waved, his tone implying that it was a surprise. justin blinked a few times, feeling like the dumbest person in the world.  
“hey, babe.” he paused. “i thought...i didn’t think you would come.”  
carson scoffed, setting down his bag of accessories on a side table.  
“justin, of course i’d come over when you’re sick! making you feel better is important to me. i know it sounded weird over the phone and i felt really bad, but i also wanted to make it a surprise, and-“

carson was stopped short when justin leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the boy, taking fistfuls of his shirt and holding him close.  
“woah,” carson mumbled, surprised by the sudden gesture.  
“i...” justin swallowed back tears, mentally cursing himself. “i just missed you a lot. i didn’t want to say it but i needed you.”  
carson was quiet for a few seconds.  
“don’t ever be afraid to say you need me, justin. i...i love you.”  
justin felt his eyes water, but he didn’t stop it this time.  
“i love you too.”

they hugged for a moment longer, listening to the ceiling fan rotate, before justin pulled away, wiping at his eyes.  
“so, uh, what’d you get?” he asked, trying to change the subject before he became a snotty and crying mess. carson was beaming again, cheeks rosy with sunburn.  
“i’ll show you!” he emptied the bag of its contents. “so, you didn’t say what you were sick with, so i just got a bunch of shit. what do you feel like?”  
“really hot. stuffy. headache. just shitty.” he hugged his arms close, suddenly feeling a chill.

carson pouted.  
“my baby has a fever.” he turned around and picked out some ibuprofen, a water bottle, and a thermometer. “take some of these.”  
justin did so, feeling a strange warmth in his chest that wasn’t the fever. this was what he needed. to be taken care of by carson. he felt loved when carson was around, and sometimes he could forget about how much he hated himself.  
“here, i’ll take your temp.” carson mumbled, putting the thermometer into justin’s mouth. justin waited, scratching at his wrist and thinking about how he’d cried earlier. he felt slightly stupid for thinking carson wouldn’t show up, but carson was here now and that’s all that mattered.

“jesus christ, you’re 101.” carson said, taking it out and frowning.  
“i’m good, cars’. i don’t feel too bad.” justin assured him, despite the fact that his head hurt so bad he felt like he couldn’t stand up. he reached out for carson’s hand, then his arm, and then he was hugging him again. justin was clingy, but he wouldn’t ever admit that.  
“you’re such a liar! you should lay down. you probably feel like shit.” carson scolded him, hugging back. justin shrugged.  
“could fall asleep right here, honestly.” he muttered, eyes closing with the weight of comfort and sleep.  
“baby...” carson trailed off. “c’mon.” he pulled justin off of him and slipped him up into his arms, carrying him to the bed and setting him down gently.

“you need a bucket?” carson asked, earning a shaken head in reply. he nodded and slipped onto the bed with justin, letting the shorter climb onto his chest and get comfortable.  
“i’m really glad you’re here.” he mumbled, his head on carson’s chest. carson reached up and rubbed his back, feeling slightly damp from sweat.  
“i’m glad to be with you.”  
“you are? i thought you wouldn’t want to-“  
“justin, why do you think i’m not willing to take care of you?”  
justin went quiet. he didn’t think carson would actually ask that.  
“i just...i don't know, man. i don’t think i’m worth the trouble.” he winced as he admitted it, realizing how it sounded out loud.

“you’re worth everything to me, justin.”  
justin cursed himself as the waterworks came on again, his sickness most likely making him more emotional.  
“really?” his voice broke, and he felt like a child.  
“really really. i’d never mind taking care of you while you’re sick! i care so much about you. i wish i could show you that.” carson’s voice sounded so genuine and sweet that justin couldn’t stop crying even if he tried. he sniffled and just hugged carson closer, shutting his eyes to block out his headache.  
“you show me that all the time, carson. just by being here.” his voice wavered, hands trembling. carson hummed.  
“i’ll always be here.”

justin had never felt more safe in his entire life then he did in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed, please leave comments on what u thought!!! love y’all :)) go check out my tumblr for more punk au content
> 
> also sorry for the abrupt ending :’)


End file.
